Chibi Soul Reaver Moments
by Aaronxz
Summary: From the creator of Chibi Hellsing Moments. Random moments in the lives of Kain, Raziel, and the other people of Nosgoth.
1. Chibi Soul Reaver Moments

  
  


Chibi Soul Reaver Moments

  
  


Kain: *Stares at his new computer*

Computer: Welcome! Please press any key to start.

Kain: The foul contraption speaks...and there is no key that says "Any" on it.

Computer: Please press a key.

Kain: Oh well why didn't you say so?

Computer: I did.

Kain: -_- You talk to much. *Presses a key but his claw goes thru the keyboard and he ends up getting electrocuted.

Computer: Error detected in system. Running diagnostic. Please wait.

Kain: *Charred* 0_0 *Breaths out a cloud of smoke* 

-Later-

Dumah and Rahab: *Are dragging the computer to the edge of the Abyss*

Kain: Cast it in!

Rahab: Err this thing is saying something.

Kain: Oh? Last words?...very well what does it say?

Rahab: It says you've got mail.

Kain: I do?

Rahab: Yeah should I open it?

Kain: *Nods*

Rahab: *Sets the computer down and opens up the mail* 

All: *Look at the message*

Kain: 0_0 *Blasts the computer and half the cliff into the Abyss*

Melchia: ...Out of curiosity why would anyone think to send you an advertisement about enlarging your...

Other Brethren: *Drag Melchia away before he can say more stupid things*

(Before anyone asks it's a laptop that runs on special non-existential Nosgoth batteries.)

  
  


Raziel: *Enters the pillar room for the first time after coming back as the Soul Reaver*

Kain: Raziel.

Raziel: Kain.

Kain: Raziel!

Raziel: Kain!

Kain: RAZIEL!

Raziel: KAIN!

Ariel: -_- Men.

  
  


Raziel: *Is standing on the cliff, staring into the Abyss and pondering random ponderable thingies with his mind* (T_T Leave me alone! I stayed up late doing this)

Random vampire: *Attacks him*

Raziel: *Get's mad and throws the vampire into the Abyss*

Vampire: *Gurgle*

Raziel: ^ ^ Ya know that was kinda therapeutic.

-Below the Abyss-

Elder god: *Get's hit in the head with a dead vampire* What the...*Pokes the vampire* Tch stupid kids throwing dead vampires in my yard. That would have hurt if there had been more left of him.

-Above the Abyss-

Raziel: *Is pushing a mammoth stone block over the cliff after the vampire* 

  
  


Raziel: *Goes over to the lever in Melchia's room* Answer me brother!

Melchia: What is it?

Raziel: Will you please tell me what in the bloody name of Janos Audron possessed you to live in a room with a spiky spinning thing of horrible pain in the ceiling?

Melchia: Feng Shui. It's the latest fad.

  
  


Raziel: *Opens up a chest in an ancient tomb*

Elder god: Contained within this chest is an ancient weapon that you can use to decimate your vampire foes.

Raziel: *Takes it out* What's this thing made out of? It looks to colorful to be a weapon.

Elder god: Just trust me on this one ok.

Raziel: Fine but could you at least explain what a Nerf supersoaker is?

  
  


Raziel: *Has beaten a vampire to near death* Hmm torches set them on fire, staffs impale them...I wonder what happens if I use the Reaver for the finishing move.

Vampire: *Bleeds and staggers*

Raziel: *Uses the Reaver in the finishing blow*

Vampire: *Blows up*

Raziel: That...was...so...COOL!

  
  


-What do Kain and Ariel DO with their selves while they wait Eons for random things to happen?-

Ariel: *Is staring at a game of solitair* Wish I could touch physical objects...hey Kain come over here and move that jack to that queen. 

Kain: *Flipping a coin* In a minute

Ariel: That's what you've been saying for the last hundred and fifty years! When are you going to stop playing with that coin?

Kain: I have to get it to land on it's edge. My destiny depends on it.

Ariel: -_- Kain have you ever heard of a metaphor?

Kain: No, why?

  
  


Raziel: *Walks into Zephons lair*

Random Zephonim vampires: *Attack him*

Raziel: I HATE SPIDERS!

-Later-

Raziel: *Re-enters the cathedral with a huge supply of Raid* -_- If anyone makes any ex-Terminator puns I will hurt them badly.

  
  


Raziel: *Enters Rahabs room*

Rahab: *Comes to the surface*

Raziel: ^ ^ FISHY!

Rahab: -_- No it's me, Rahab.

Raziel: I always wanted a fishy!

Rahab: Stop calling me a fishy!

Raziel: *Pulls out a huge box of goldfish flakes and shakes it on top of Rahab*

Rahab: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT!

  
  


Raziel: *Goes into Dumahs room* . Ok let me get this straight, I need to bring him back to life so I can kill him again?

Elder god: Yup.

Raziel: Couldn't I just fight him in the spectral realm?

Elder god: Nope.

Raziel: Oh fine. *Pulls out the staffs*

Dumah: *Stands up* ^_^ Yay those splinters really hurt!

Raziel: Geez what happened to you? You look like they ran out of character designs and had to hire a reject from DOOM.

Dumah: You don't look so hot yourself blue boy!

Raziel: Yeah but I have fangirls, as annoying as they may be I take solace in that.

Dumah: You still can't beat me. My dad is Kain!

Raziel: Your idiot! Technically he's my father to. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to beat you up and relieve you of your soul.

Dumah: No you can't do that! I'm stronger then daddy!

-Back in the chronoplast chamber-

Kain: -_- I beg your pardon?

  
  


That's all for now. Many many more to come once I can get my hands on SR2 and Defiance. 


	2. Chibi Soul Reaver Moments Chapter 2

Chibi Soul Reaver Moments Chapter 2

  


Well I finally managed to get my hands on a PS2 and beat SR2. As such I have QUITE a bit more plot material to work with. So you can expect some actual constant updates on this fic, at little while. I'll talk about that later. Anywho on with the fic.  
  


Kain: *Starts to turn on the Chronoplast* When I first stole into this chamber centuries ago I did not fathom the power of knowledge. *Chronoplast chandelier starts to turn and spin* To see the future Raziel to....Raziel?

Raziel: *Is staring at the chronoplast chandelier*

Kain: No RAZIEL!

Raziel: *Falls over with swirly eyes and a spinning head*

Kain: *Sigh* I knew I should have put up a sign to not look directly into the Chronoplast  
  


Raziel: *Comes out of the time stream*

Moebius: Welcome time spanned soul, welcome to Your Destiny.

Raziel: 0.0 Your Destiny? But I'm looking for Hawaii. *Takes out a huge road map*

Moebius: Where do you keep that thing.

Raziel: You don't wanna know. Let's see...ah here's my problem I was suppose to take the right at Your Fate and then take exit 214 when I got to Timbuktu. Well see You later Moe * Jumps back into the time stream*

Moebius: . I'm omniscient and I still don't know what the hell just happened here.  
  


Raziel: *Bops Moebius on the head* 

Moebius: To strike me is to to strike a gods own attendant Raziel. I do not think even you would do that.

Raziel: *Bops Moebius on the head* 

Moebius: I'm warning you!

Raziel: Come then, let me see the power of this god who you serve. *Bops Moebius on the head*

Moebius: That was foolish Raziel

Raziel: *Turns into a goon*

(-_- Don't ask, it's in reference to an old nursery Rhyme about a rabbit who get's turned into a "goon" for bopping field mice on the head. I have no clue why I wrote this but the whole Raziel flicking Moebius on the head scene was just to good to pass up)  
  


Raziel: Hey Moebius I have a question for you

Moebius: Yes what is it?

Raziel: Do you like calamari?

Moebius: Yes actually, it's my favorite food. Besides that I own a seafood restaurant to bring in some extra money besides the whole guardian of Nosgoth job and squid is our main dish.

Raziel: Moe my friend, I've SO got a deal for you.  
  


Raziel: I work for now one, not Kain, not you, and not your lackey Moebius.

Elder God: Moebius is my good servant, I have many.

Raziel: Good servant? You do realize that he's leading an army of scuba diving seafood chefs thru this cave as we speak.

Elder god: WHAT! But only you can open the gate to this cave. 

Raziel: ^^ Now think about what you just said.

Elder God: ....-_-

Raziel: Exactly, I'll ask Moebius how the divine calamari turns out.   
  


Yes there's only five for this entry, I'm going to TRY to turn this into a bi-weekly thing with five or six moments per entry. I'm sorry but writing less over more time allows me to fine tune the jokes and update more continuously . The whole writing four or five pages of moments per entry just wasn't working out anymore with the schedule I have now, since I typed up most of them while on vacation. This goes for all my other "Chibi Moments" fics as well.  
  


As a bonus here's a random Aaron moment that actually happened.

Huge Fire Demon: *Erupts out of the ground in a burst of flames* YOU SHALL NOT PASS

Me: -_- Dear god Tolkien is SO turning over in his grave right about now.


End file.
